6-16-14
10:56am
I'm all settled in the hospital. Finally had food and I'm watching Ender's Game. I should really read that series, already. Anyways, they haven't started me on the chemo meds yet, but it should be soon, I think.
7:50pm
So my aunt came to visit and brought me a giant book of word search, crosswords, and sudoku puzzles. I used to do this stuff with my mom when I stayed at the hospital with her as a kid. I'd stay with her every single weekend at UTMB in Galveston. I had to sleep in the most uncomfortable chair ever and eat hospital food, which is TERRIBLE at UTMB. But I got to spend a ton of time with my mom, and I'm thankful. We used to do crosswords and laugh hysterically at how bad at them we were, then cheat by looking up the hard ones in the back of the book. We got very close during my teen years. She never wanted anyone to help her do anything or make any of her food except me. Apparently I was the only one who did it right. You know, Saturday made four years since she died. I miss that woman like crazy and I know she'd be at my side right now if she could. Damn, I did not mean to make myself cry, but I did a little.
6-17-14
1:36am
Bad feelings are happening now. Terrible headache and my stomach feels all bloated and tender. But I'm assuming that's from getting hours and hours of fluids pumped into me. I'm also peeing every five minutes, literally. And I really mean literally, not 20 something girl version of literally. So I'm scared to take this ambien because what happens if I don't wake up in time to go to the bathroom?! Rather not have that happen. But I would really like sleep to happen....
6-18-14
3:49am
I knew I'd wake up around this time. I almost always do. My step sister in law has been fb messaging me a lot lately. We were roommates in college. Anyways, she asked me if the whole chemo thing has hit me emotionally yet. Well, yeah. But it's not something that hits you just once. It's over and over. It hit me again a few minutes ago. I'm sure it will hit me again the hardest when I lose my hair in a couple of weeks. I dread that, I really do. I wish I didn't have to do this. Did I tell you the full diagnosis? Stage 1C mixed sex cord stromal ovarian tumor. Stage 1C is right before stage 2A. I didn't know there were levels within the stages. I don't understand how crazy big scary sometimes bad and devastating life changing shit keeps happening to me. I'd like to maybe dial that down a notch.
6-18-14
11:09pm
I feel shitty. The line in my port is bothering me, I'm lonely, and I don't want to be in the hospital for even one more minute. I want to be home.
Apparently I didn't have much to say that was very thoughtful on Tuesday, so it skips ahead to early Wednesday morning. I ended up staying through Wednesday night and into Thursday morning. I finally got my neulasta injection and gave it to myself. It has been causing intense body pains, but I'm making it through. I've enjoyed being back home with my loves and in my own bed.
7:24 p.m. - 2014-06-20