Do you ever wish you could go back to a time in your life that was simpler and easier? I do, only I have no idea when that would be, since none of my life has ever really felt simple or easy.
We were always poor. Way below poverty level poor. In elementary school, it was the root of a lot of insecurities and bullying. Middle school is when my mom got really sick. Our housing situation was severely unstable. We generally lived with whichever friend or family member was willing to put up with us for a while. In high school we finally got our own "house." I say "house" because it was barely more than a shack. It had holes in the roof, no insulation, only a subfloor, bad wiring, and so many other horrible problems. It's heartbreaking how proud my parents were of that shit hole, and almost as heartbreaking is how much I miss it. My parents were always open with us about every struggle. Sometimes I think that has shaped me for the better. Sometimes I think it ruined my childhood.
Things just never seemed to ever get easier, growing up. And now, halfway into my twenties, that trend seems to be continuing. Admittedly, I have gotten myself into a few sticky situations, but it's hard to deny that I've just had some really bad luck, too.
Maybe the easier and simpler time I'm looking for is ahead of me. God, I fucking hope so.
8:18 p.m. - 2014-06-21