I'm bitter today. So bitter. In a "fuck him for doing this to me" way, even though I was an active and willing participant. I wonder if he feels that way about me, too, or if he feels guilty for the way things happened. Not being with him is the right choice. Not that I necessarily made that choice, he made it for me, in a way. I just had to take the time to realize that it was right.
I hate that I'm still even thinking about this, but it is what it is. It will take a while to fully get over it. Him not being on twitter will help. But when I said it's like a drug addiction, that was true. I have to talk myself out of contacting him every single day.
Which brings me to my next thing. Should I delete the emails? Do I want to? It's all I have left now that there's no twitter to look at. It would be like erasing an entire relationship. I think I want to. I think I will. But not yet. I'm not at that stage of healing yet. I would be, if we hadn't kept in contact. That was the wrong thing to do. It didn't allow me to grieve and heal the way I need to. I'm going to try very hard to get through all of that now.
8:05 p.m. - 2014-08-15