I meant to write today. I'm so tired and my body hurts. Can I just write tomorrow instead? No? Ok.
Well. I emailed him a few times while I was in the hospital doing my first chemo cycle. Maybe a few too many. I feel like maybe I should calm down with this a little. It takes a lot more energy than I realized to worry over my email inbox all day. Feels like I'm putting in a lot of effort with less and less in return. And I know he has a life and responsibilities and obligations, and I understand that I came along after all of those were already well established. But damn, if I can find a few minutes to send an email, surely someone who's job is to type things could take a second to do the same, right? I don't know. This is just me being... Upset. At I don't even know what. I know he does a lot of work. Just. I don't know. I'm lonely as fuck, I guess.
I don't like the way I'm feeling right now. Just. Tired. Everything is tiring. Mentally, physically, emotionally. Tomorrow I'll copy/paste some of what I emailed him during my hospital stay, because I probably should've typed it up here anyways.
My body hurts.
10:39 p.m. - 2014-06-19