Listening to love songs. Remembering all the times he said he wanted to make slow, deliberate, passionate love to me. Feeling sad and wistful and such a sense of loss and longing. I wish we could have, even just once. The need to give myself to him that way is still so strong.
I wish we were on speaking terms. My surgery is in two days, and I'm getting nervous. It would be nice to have him around to tell me it's all going to be ok.
It's terrible that the people who make you feel the best also end up being the ones who make you feel the worst. Even more cruel is that they're usually the only ones who could make you feel better if they wanted to.
7:57 a.m. - 2014-04-22