I do miss him. I don't think I want to talk to him romantically. Not right now. But I do want to talk to him. He was a good friend.
That just might be what I miss the most. Being able to be friendly with each other. He blocked me on twitter. I learned that means I can't follow him, and probably not interact with him. But I can still see his tweets. I did block him, but only for less than a day. I decided it was petty.
Besides, maybe he's a creeper like me and wants to read my tweets still. Maybe he reads this. I don't know. Sometimes I wonder when he posts songs or lyrics if they're meant for me or for this situation. They could be. Maybe I'm reading too much into it because I want them to be. I know I post a lot of things meant for him.
I do want to be friends again eventually. It might still be too soon for both of us, and it would probably piss his wife off a whole lot and start too much trouble. I hope that in the coming weeks/months we can start over as friends. I guess that would mostly depend on him.
In the meantime, I'm trying really hard to throw myself into my marriage. It isn't easy. Not knowing that my husband isn't very likely to ever change. But I need to at least try one more time to be happy. Give it a while, see if he can improve as I do, post surgery.
I'm not entirely sure how long I'm willing to give it, and I'm not really sure what I'll do anymore if I decide not to stay. But that's something to think about later.
12:04 p.m. - 2014-04-21