So I fear that I've made him rethink his position on a baby so much that he'll get his wife pregnant. And it's not unreasonable in the least to choose your wife over someone you've never met, and it's not unreasonable to have a baby with her. But I think it would make me want to die. Really.
One thing I don't enjoy about this is that I really do think that she and I could've been friends in another life. We're the same age. We have a lot in common based on just that alone. At least, it seems that way.
And at the same time I feel like in another life he and I would've been the most absolutely perfect couple anyone has ever met in their entire life. That's hard too.
In a way, I feel bad for coming between them and causing her pain. She does seem like a genuinely nice, decent person. But again, it wasn't just me. He had as much of a hand in this as I did. Maybe more. Though in the end I do think I ended up being more serious about all of our plans.
It makes me a little mad to know that this whole time I was so worried about me being the coward, and secretly it was him all along. He just seemed so sure. Speaking from experience, this might be the first time he does this, but it won't be the last.
Yes, I've done this before. But there was also a physical component. We lived in the same town. I wasn't serious then. I was serious this time. I knew, well... I know, that my husband can't change. And I think that's what made this time different, knowing that I've been here before, and likely will be again. I think they've been married a similar amount of time as my husband and me. People can only change for so long before they go back to the way they were. I really believe that.
But I don't want to be hanging around when he's really ready the next time around.
4:44 p.m. - 2014-04-19