Each day, each minute, I get a little closer to acceptance. Acceptance ≠ happiness, though.
I'm trying to accept the facts that he chose her, and will probably never speak to me again. I don't blame him too much for that second part. I *was* kind of a dick about things.
I feel a little bad because he told me several times that he'd understand if I chose my husband. I'm just not that graceful. Luckily I never claimed to be. I guess maybe I should've seen that as a clue, too.
I know it's highly unlikely, but I do still wish for one last bit of contact. A way to maybe get a little closure. I don't know what would be said, but more of an apology than just "I'm a mess, sorry I'm such a fuckup" would be nice. He's probably deleted my email address and everything anyways.
I'm feeling sad about this right now, with a touch of heartbreak. And a whole lot of tired. I don't know if that makes any sense. Just this whole thing has made me tired
The very hardest part is missing him immensely and wishing so hard that I didn't.
7:53 a.m. - 2014-04-20