I am so fucking mad. Livid. I just can't believe. I can. I feared this the entire time. But god dammit this is horrible.
I don't know why I ever let myself get so carried away. Desperation is a good word, I think. I needed to feel so loved and needed. It was amazing, until it wasn't. I almost wish I could take the whole thing back. Go back in time and show myself how awful I am right now and tell Past Me not to go there.
Seriously, it was a matter of fucking hours. Making plans and promises at 3pm, being dumped at 11. I honestly did not see it coming, probably because I am an idiot. There was hardly even any discussion about it. Barely an apology. Yes, dumped. That's the best word. Dropped, maybe.
And the worst part is that I have nobody to catch me. I have nobody to share in this heartbreak with me. It's all been one big secret, and now I have to deal with it alone.
I hope he hurts. I hope he hurts as much and for as long as I do. Lucky for him, he's got someone to hold him when he cries.
For anyone reading this: don't have an affair, emotional or otherwise. Just don't. It isn't worth this.
5:26 a.m. - 2014-04-16