It's funny how in a previous post I'd said we decided not to try to have a baby this year. It's funny, because it turns out it wasn't an option to begin with.
Today I go back to the reproductive endocrinologist to discuss chemo and fertility. The rate of loss of fertility is only 10%, according to my oncologist. For a normal person, those sound like great odds. For me? It sounds like another chance to draw the short stick.
In all honesty, retrieving and freezing eggs, or fertilizing them and freezing embryos, is not something I feel sure enough to do at this point. Marriage is hard. Do I want to spend $20,000 on this, most likely out of my own pocket? Well. Moot point, since I'd never be able to afford it even if I was sure enough to do it. If I do lose all fertility, and we do stay together and decide to have a child, my sister says she is willing to be my egg donor. That's also promising for the future, should my relationship status change.
Thursday I have an ultrasound scheduled for a breast lump. I'm nervous and worried. Prolonged high levels of estrogen, like what my ovarian tumor was pumping out, is known to encourage uterine and breast cancers. I don't want to have even more cancer. And I really, really don't want it to be bad enough to need any type of mastectomy.
This isn't how I imagined my life. I wanted to have a baby by age 25, not cancer.
1:22 p.m. - 2014-05-27