If he said to me right now that he wants to, well, I don't even know what to call it. Try again? Get back together? I mean we weren't even really together, right? I would be very hesitant. It's not that I don't love him. I do. I really really do. But he broke my heart. I don't want to do that again.
I've been forced to try to see the good things in my marriage for the last two weeks. There are good things. It isn't all bad. It's never been all bad. I feel like maybe if we both tried a little harder, put in conscious effort, it could stay good. Then again, I wonder if a great marriage is one where both partners have to consciously try, or if it's supposed to be natural and easy. Logically I know marriage isn't something that's always easy, but I wish it was.
Anyways. I guess there isn't much of a point to this, except rambling on and getting my feelings out of my head and heart. I do miss him, and I do love him, and I do still think about him constantly. But I'm trying to work on my marriage. Trying to be present in this relationship.
Loving two people? It's hard. Confusing.
8:52 a.m. - 2014-04-28