Some days I feel strong. Like I can look my husband right in the eyes and tell him I want a divorce, pack my things, and go. Other days, like today, I feel anxious and weak. Like it would be easier to just stay. But I know how unhappy that would make me.
Although, truth be told, once I leave I'll be fucked for a while. I don't see any possible way this could be a friendly split. Debit card would be cancelled, phone service cancelled, no place to go, a job that won't really support me unless I can find somewhere free to live.
Not to mention my pets. I'd have to split them up. I can't take them all. Plus wherever I stay would need to be ok with me having the ones I take with me.
I'm going to try to find a friend to stay with for a little while so I can keep my steady job here, otherwise I'll have to move in with my sister and try to find a completely new job.
Just thinking about it all makes me nervous and sick, and I hate that.
11:32 a.m. - 2014-04-14