I know that in my other posts it looks like I have a lot of doubts. I did. I do. But that's normal. It's a complicated situation. Ending one relationship and starting a new one all at the same time. And with someone that, while we do love each other and know each other in a sense, we're still basically almost strangers in another. That's a big deal.
You need to know, that's not why I brought up the baby thing. When we touched on the subject before, he told me that he'd discussed it with his current wife, and they decided not to have children. And I'm definitely not trying to lay any blame when I say that him telling me that it wasn't above discussing was misleading. Not purposefully, obviously. But it did give me a false sense of hope.
I have a procedure coming up that very may well determine if I'll ever have a child. I needed to know if it was something I could hope for or even look forward to with him.
It's not either of our faults that we're in different phases of our lives. I love him more than I ever thought possible, but I can't turn this off. I didn't want there to be any resentment between us down the line. I know what that's like and it's awful.
We're talking in little snippets. His deadline is tomorrow, so hopefully we can talk a lot more after that. I need to know how he's feeling, too. Even if it makes me cry. I could use a good cry right about now, anyways.
10:40 a.m. - 2014-04-08