Things have happened. I opened a separate, secret savings account, just in case I do decide to leave my husband. And I had my first cancer puke. It was terrible.
I've been imagining what it might be like to be single again. I can't decide if what I'm imagining is realistic or not. Probably not. My imagination can't find a middle ground, either. I can only imagine that it would be really awesome or really terrible. Obviously it would be a bit of both and mostly be somewhere in between. But who imagines the normal days? You always imagine the best and worst things. Right? Or is that just me? Either way, if I do end up single, I think I'd work on figuring out how to be alone and take care of myself for a while. I'm kind of ashamed at how dependent I've always been on someone else. I need to fix this. Or at least work really hard on it.
I think I'm going to ask my doctor to do an ultrasound on my remaining ovary. I've been feeling it lately, and it's making me really paranoid. For all of the thinking I'd be ok never having a child I did a while back, the thought now terrifies me. Maybe it's because it would absolutely no longer be a choice in any way. Not that I think they could do anything about it if this ovary is going rogue. I just want to know. And hopefully it will be fine, and I'll have peace of mind.
7:43 a.m. - 2014-07-17