Well. Someone asked us to adopt an 11 year old girl today. She's so sweet, and funny, and seems mature for her age. She cheers and plays softball. Her home life is really bad. No dad, her mom does/deals drugs. I know what it's like to have a shitty home life, and I'd take her in a heartbeat if I was more secure in my relationship and wasn't about to start chemo. Her grandparents were asking if we could take her because their lifestyle just isn't right for an eleven year old girl.
I know I've always wanted a biological child, but that dream seems further and further away as time goes on. I'm not perfect, but I'm a kind person and it feels natural to care for others, and I wish I could help a child who needs it have a better life. My husband, however, is another story. He has never wanted anything but a biological child, even if that meant it would be his biologically and not mine. I have no problem with egg or sperm donation. I think they're awesome ways to build your family. But it's a almost hurtful for your husband to say that he doesn't care if we have to do egg donation, as long as the baby is HIS biologically. Seriously? You don't care if it's my child at all? I guess not, since when I tried discussing freezing my eggs before chemo, I was told it was stupid and pointless.
So. Anyways. That's what's going on (not going on?) with that. Other than that, I start chemo on Monday. I've had so many people tell me that they're here for me if I need to talk. It's really sweet, but I'm not sure what I'd say besides "I'm stressed and wish I didn't have to do this." There's nothing I feel comfortable talking about with my in person friends. This shit? Nobody wants to hear about this. Or, they do. But for gossip, not because they really care. Truthfully, there's one person I wish I could talk to more, but he's been too busy. Which sucks. I've been more accepting of it lately, kind of. But it's sad. I don't want him to be just another person who quietly fades into the background of my life.
1:01 a.m. - 2014-06-15