Yesterday was rough. Oncologist appointment to discuss chemo at length. I will be doing cisplatin, bleomycin sulfate, and etoposide on days 1-3. Then on day four, I'll get an injection of neulasta to help with my blood counts. Side effects are hair loss, mild neuropathy, skin and nail problems, fatigue, nausea, pulmonary issues, and neulasta is known to cause bone pain. I should have my port placed in the next few days, and should start chemo on the sixteenth. The port will stay in for a year following chemo in case of recurrence, and will have to be flushed every six weeks. So that sounds like a huge bag of fun. The good news is that if I want it, they can write me a prescription for a really nice wig and insurance will usually cover it.
In addition to the 7-8 hours of driving we did yesterday, my husband tried to start an argument with me all day about what my problem is. Gee, maybe it's that I'm stressed the fuck out and you're not supporting me like I need you to? I've talked to him about it and I honestly do not know how to get through to him on this. Or anything really. He told me later in the day that he fears that once I'm better, I'll leave him because I "won't be crazy anymore." I wasn't sure what to say, but luckily he said it in a way that was funny, so we both laughed a little and then the subject was changed.
Truthfully, I don't know if or when I will leave. My sister has set up a bedroom in her current house for me to stay whenever I want during chemo. They're trying to get their landlord to let them move into the other house he rents out because it has a garage suite and their current house needs repairs. Either way, whatever happens, I'll have somewhere I can go if I want or need to.
This is really the last thing I want to be worried about right now, but it seems that I don't have much of a choice in anything these days.
7:08 a.m. - 2014-06-05