He did open up to me today. I feel like I pushed him into it a little, but I don't regret that at all. Like I said, I need to talk stuff out in order to feel any better about it.
Instead of a real response, I told him to just come here and read what I've written. There's nothing I could say that isn't already here. No sense in repeating myself. It might not be fun or easy to read some of the entries, but at least he'll be able to see into my brain a little. That I did put a lot of thought into everything that was going on.
Yes, we both got caught up in the moment, and that's ok. It happens. I guess it probably would've been better if we'd communicated some of these thoughts instead of keeping them private. At least then I could've avoided that level of devastation. But hindsight is 20/20. Whatever.
I still feel very conflicted about the whole situation. About where things may end up by the end of the year, for both of us. I understand that there's nothing we can do but let the time pass and see what happens. That doesn't mean it sucks any less. Maybe it even sucks a little more for me, because I like having a certain amount of control when it comes to what happens in my life. Not that that has worked out very well for me so far, but that's still there.
Anyways. Today he'll read this, and maybe we'll discuss it. I hope it doesn't end badly.
5:18 p.m. - 2014-05-01