Days like today are difficult and confusing. I feel so much love for my husband, which is why I've stayed with him so long. It's strange to love someone so much even when they don't really treat you very well.
But I do, I can't help it. We've been through a lot together. The death of both of my parents, struggling with my medical problems. He isn't the most supportive, but he's been here. He's always been here, and sometimes that's all it takes to support someone.
I can't help but imagine how much leaving would disrupt everyone's lives. Mine, his, my pets, our families. How sad and heartbroken he would be. That's the problem with still loving him. Imagining him hurting so much still really hurts me. It would be easier if I felt nothing for him, but that's just not the case.
I feel like my heart is tearing in two.
1:38 p.m. - 2014-04-06